isaiah phillips

fifty cents for your soul

like the greatest if them all,

i dream of becoming famous.

they say i won't make it.

but why not fake it?

i'm just a jewish atheist boy

living in the suburbs with deadly consequences

of being queer.

isn't that what life is all about?

"fifty cents for your soul" is what my drama teacher tells

me about those so-called "scumbags" do to you when you're seeking

to become famous. but this is the millennium not the 1980s of turbulent

years and seeing the greasers appearing in every drive thru theater across

the united states.

i am who i am, aren't i?

in this inudstrialzied world we live, we don't even

bother to notice the real issues of life. only celebrities.

that is what i want. to be center of attention.

but hollywood is just full of lies.

why in the hell do i want to try?

life is just a piece of crap. that is, if you live in my world.

if you were to see me at school, possibly talking with all the other students.

but you won't see me there, in this case, i'll be eating my unfloured crackers in

honor of passover in the corner looking out of the dirty window feeling like the people

in holocaust and how they felt to be lonely. obviously, you can tell i'm the social outcast.

but what have i done to anyone of them? i mean, i understand

why roxi anderson might eat lunch at the same table as me, yet, she doesn't even

speak to me either even though we're at the same social status.

maybe i'm lower than her. since the girl is still drop dead gorgeous,

those hazel eyes can just make a boy squirm even the queer one. did you know she once

smiled at me? i think i felt special that day.

my old man isn't up for the whole idea

of me becoming famous. he wants me to become

a rabbi. like that's going to do any good for me.

and frankly, i haven't open up to my family that i'm

queer. i wish i could turned myself back to normal when i used

to like girls, not now, when i like boys.

life is crap. all you have to do is suck it up and...

well you get the point.